Ante up

Have you ever felt your emotions being bigger than you? So massive that your heart cannot hold them and they start consuming you? You’re always shouting inside and its only you that can hear it. It is because you realize you are not great. It is your emotions that are.

The madness has always been there. This time It’s different in the sense that earlier it’s always been for your personal self. This time, fortunately or unfortunately you don’t have a say.

I am 22. I have been in a relationship before and am into one now. I do not wish to compare the two but I haven’t felt so crazy ever and so calm neither. I am ever greedy for love and for that, I have given up all other desires that I as a child used to have. And the weird part is- I do not feel guilty about giving myself up. Probably because what I am gaining is unexplainably good. Or so it seems now.

They say you shouldn’t give much importance to one person and you never will have to change yourself, for if you do, the love is not worth it. Well, I honestly think otherwise. The truth is, if it truly is love, you’ll do everything to make it work. Changing oneself can not be a hassle then.

Yet everything is at sixes and sevens here. There’s a lack of purpose in life and that has always been the case for me. In terms of achievements, I know I haven’t disappointed myself or my people on any front, for I know many others desire to have what I do right now. But it doesn’t quite satisfy me much.

I think during all this muddling,  I’m able to tell one very fundamental thing to myself:

You cannot have a positive life and a negative mind.


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