I am glad

From a street full of clutter and noise that is deafening,

I scamper back to my room and latch myself in.

Leaning next to the window, I glare at the outside tree.

Only to realize – the chaos is me and my own debris.


Tomorrow if you make a trip to my mind,

I wonder how much of confusion you will find.

How I am running backwards to catch what’s no longer mine,

Consciously refusing to accept that you have left me behind.


And it is not as if I don’t know what is true,

Just that it is my life’s solace in reminiscing what is ‘you’.

Keeping your flame alight in my heart,

With each memory trip, burning myself a scar.


Maybe it is not the best thing that I do,

But I am glad that in this, I am not dragging you.

Although amid every wise advice, I only hear your voice,

But I am glad, that atleast you made the right choice.

And I ask myself


Recalling the glorious moments you brought to life,
When you pushed me on stage under full limelight. 
Then snapping myself back into the reality of today,
When thinking of our ruins, my fate loses its light. 
And I ask myself,
Are you my deepest fear or my whole might? 

When I am enduring some of my life’s greatest aches,
I think of you and in that second, every physical feeling fades.
And I ask myself,
Are you my pain or my biggest solace?

Crazy I think I always have been, but now I do not feel senile.
With your shadow peeking into my life every once in a while.
I ask myself,
Are you my peace or my restlessness?

With every gentle touch of yours, it was as if I was flying,
Now ingesting your anger, it is as if my body feels uncouth.
And I ask myself,
Are you my purity or a reminder of my sinfulness?

The most fulfilled that I felt of myself was when you held me close,
But that was then and ever since that,
I have not been able to cope with your loss.
So today I ask myself, 
Are you everlasting love or my constant misery?
A streak of happiness or my agonizing pain?
My completion or an eternal promise of desolation?
I guess I will always ask myself. 

BELIEF

A soft breeze brushes my cheeks today,
While I watch fire gushing the blue sky.
Painting it in its golden hues,
Picturesque with the sight of birds flying high.

I stand at the shore and breathe the emptiness in,
Blinking only as the cold water hits my feet. 
A moment of filling my heart up to the brim,
Before I feel the earth slipping underneath.

And exactly like wounds from the truth,
The pit only goes deeper with each wave.
Till the time I make my mind,
Whether standing there, it’s the emptiness I wish to feel,
Or to embrace newness and offer myself a chance to heal.

But all that time that I choose to stand at that spot,
And I feel the sand sweeping from under my feet.
I wonder if I will ever be complete.
And I wonder how you think you can live fulfilled?

They say nothing is perfect
And no one is impeccable. 
Then why do I feel,
That the two of us together were beyond perfect?

You shall smile a lot my child,
And you shall find happiness.
But what you may not find,
Without me is the air filled with bliss.

But next time when I cross your mind,
Know that deprivation of love,
In a life so long,
Is a curse you chose.
And with this, I accept our love’s defeat
Chesting an unconscious heart and a died BELIEF.

RISE

All along the reflections on life,
Rests in me a constant sense of regret.
Like in the midst of perennial loneliness,
I catch the sound of my own footsteps.

I unlock the door and start walking into my hall,
But just as I enter, I hear the emptiness growl.
There is no one to turn to and nowhere to hide,
Wrote my own fate, now there is no turning of the tide.

What I didn’t know back then was that I wasn’t strong, 
Went to a place far off, but it was not where I belong.
I tried to get aside so you could live your life,
But you don’t leave my mind despite all my tries.

I cannot any longer hold back the tears,
Cannot pretend anymore like you are not there.
What I can is to try to pull myself back up,
Stop collecting hopes from our scattered memory crumbs.
To come out of this abyss of lost love,
Accept defeat and yet rise above.


One reflection

 

An innocent one with seven revolutions around the sun,

Always by her mother’s side, never missing a pampering turn.

Brought up with love and unmatched trust,

Honesty, her strong suit, was maybe only on the crust.

 

Days passed by, as if time almost flew,

A heart was broken then, but love only grew.

Her heart it seemed had turned somewhat blue.

It was a spectacular start of something new.

 

Born was a girl who he taught how to love,

She wasn’t it seems what she appeared from above.

Never had she thought what she felt wasn’t enough.

The odyssey to love was probably meant to be tough.

 

Alas, she started with her heart,

But gave up soon after the start.

With love he tried his best to keep them together,

Their love although was as gentle as a feather.

 

They say we are the choices that we make,

She had become someone that she could no longer take.

Confused for love, maybe grief was her fate,

For sins cannot be mistaken for mistakes.

 

Cold Love

 

In open fields under bright sunlight,

I stand still, feeling so blind.

Seeing nothing but the marks,

Testifying of us being profoundly scarred.

 

Tell me today I didn’t love you enough,

That all my promises of truth were a bluff.

Assume all you may, but I know the lord knows,

In my turn, I gave it all.

Things significant and moments small,

In my turn, I gave it all.

 

There’s so much between us that’s left unsaid,

So many things that I have kept to myself.

I fear now if there ever will be a closure,

Thinking my heart is still stuck, even though it’s over.

 

There’s little regret now, for in our love and in our fall,

In my turn, I gave it all.

There’s nothing now that I am left with,

Love or happiness- I don’t know which one’s a bigger myth.

Nothing

There are moments in each person’s life,

that decide the course of his happiness.

Defining moments- from where there’s no turning back. 

 

Nobody told me it was difficult such,

That in every breath, you would want to give up.

On everything you have wanted to hold,

On yourself when there’s nothing left to behold.

 

Nobody told me it feels nothing at first.

While one steps onto the ruptured earth.

And just as gravity strikes afoot,

You feel the earth slipping away under your foot.

All efforts to soothe the restlessness pass in vain,

And nothing said or done ever placates the pain.

 

Nobody told me it’s going to be a deep hole,

Sinking once in which, one loses his soul.

With no sense of direction left, nor any goal,

I wish I had lost myself once and for all.

One Step Away

Seek happiness, I’ve heard them all say

And here I stand, only one step away.

A step separating us, keeping us

from finding our solacing embrace.

 

We could live the life of our dreams,

And we will be happy so, that the world will be jealous.

If only you could walk the path of forgiveness,

But then I guess, not all have a merciful heart.

 

Amid the feelings of love, I feel this hate,

For the power you hold over me.

How you can make my day,

With just something simple you say.

And how you get my soul restless,

While I stand there and watch, feeling powerless and frail.

 

I don’t know how else to repent now,

I step forward and bow down.

To plead to you to accept,

What you once fought to have kept.

 

We can move ahead now if you haven’t already.

Walk on our dreams and crush them steady.

I can’t promise to get you out of my heart though.

You are engraved in it and the feelings only seem to grow.

 

I shall be quiet to help you get going.

But look into my eyes next time when we meet.


You’ll see a fire implode and we both will witness my fall.

This facade of calmness is a mask after all.

Zero Hour

If you fear all that follows is regret,

And not being able to hold a grudge

Would you still go ahead?

Would you still take the plunge?

 

When options carved aren’t white and black,

And the choice made will be cast in stone.

There is emotion attached and maybe no coming back,

What then would you do to atone?

 

Your life here and now stands at crossroads,

Where each road bends into a different path.

You are only as wise as the roads seen afar,

Lying ahead could be calm bliss or fiery wrath.

 

Standing here today, you can choose to let me go,

Or follow my steps and keep me close.

We may walk together and never meet on this path,

Either way we will embody two forever anxious hearts.

 

The path chosen now shall define your fate,

While a chance afresh will stay a distant dream.

The road right chosen showers the gift of balance,

A serenity in soul shining into a happiness gleam.

 


Co-written by Kshitij Kapur