Romantic expectations

They say happiness lies in the smallest of things,

I say the same is home to anxiety too.

And more often than not, we feel willies creeping in,

Taking over us in a jiffy, eating us from within.

And it’s in such instances that I assess,

Whether it is my mistake or regret

To keep hearing those words again,

Letting myself hurt as I move ahead.

And while I stay undeniably glad,

To have lived and owned my choices.

I am also sorry for myself

For one’s respect is fended by oneself.

But amid all this chaos,

if there’s one thing that I have learnt,

It’s that you may break your neck trying,

But it’s still not going to be enough.

A slight hope

It is an endless road like life’s timeless spree,
The burdens of which don’t set our minds free.
So I have no clue of what is happening now,
Because my heart’s in a constant state of slumber somehow.

Waking me up everyday but without a sense of life,
Feels little, as if I’m sleepwalking in broad daylight.
Though at dusk, I see a spark of light on a dark forest path,
But not a hint of it in my own shallow heart.

That stays lost but with a slight hope,
That someone someday will find me.
And wake me up from this dreadful dream.
Erase all memories, that give and snatch life’s gleam.
Flow my remains, the ashes of our love in a holy stream.
And prepare for my anxious soul to finally rest in peace.

Untouchable

A scanty village and the celestial paradise,

Both separated through just a bridge tonight.

Excited, we run across the lush green field holding hands,

It is on either edge of the bridge that we now stand.

The paths looks narrow and covered in twigs,

Sharp edges and strong words cutting our feet.

We walk through still, though the journey seems tough,

Only till the time I hadn’t gone ahead enough,

So much so that you almost lost the way,

Brewed a hate in your heart that’s now sending me away.

I just wish you had come forward a little,

To find me just as wounded and lost, but now you wouldn’t listen.

So anytime these days our eyes meet from a distance,

I see your gaze but pain slashes though my skin in this instant.

And I am nothing but helpless to wonder,

That even today, I believe I am sole person culpable,

But when was it that to you,  I become untouchable?

I don’t know where I stopped being a human for you,

Like I don’t know where you became inhuman.

Fallen leaves


You are the light of day and my season of spring,

Without you, life is just a field of fallen leaves.

Like our castles holding the shreds of broken dreams.

I have witnessed love shower eternal peace, and the ultimate anxiety,

So today you are the pit in my stomach and my racing heartbeat.

And while it seems I cannot save the damage a mind does,

What I know for sure, is that our memories shall outlive us.


For if you are the author, I am the book.

If you the mirror, I the look.

We live inseparable in the same space,

You can’t reach nights if I don’t close the day.

So consider this as my tribute to our love,

I raise a toast in thankfulness of thereof.

For you are my wish come true from a shooting star,

A short lived dream, but the best thus far.


Today I owe my happiness, my being to you.

Without you, this life will never hold a meaning true.

Imprints

Everybody we meet and everything we touch is by destiny. Then why does it happen that some experiences are so profound- that they shape us into who we are and become imprints?


Today my eyes open to the golden morning light,

With its softness, warming my heart as I turn sides.

Briefly glancing at the bedside picture, as I acknowledge wake of the day.

My anxiety taking over me that very moment, telling me it’s there to stay.

So I try and gather myself back up, taking steps every day.

But I know consciously that all my actions are to achieve a delay

Of acceptance, that you believe we will never be okay,

Of belief, that I can just not find a way.

And just as I reflect back, it seems

As if life moved forward while time stood still.

My steps are still trying to find a way,

To trace back the path, of your imprints.

I am glad

From a street full of clutter and noise that is deafening,

I scamper back to my room and latch myself in.

Leaning next to the window, I glare at the outside tree.

Only to realize – the chaos is me and my own debris.


Tomorrow if you make a trip to my mind,

I wonder how much of confusion you will find.

How I am running backwards to catch what’s no longer mine,

Consciously refusing to accept that you have left me behind.


And it is not as if I don’t know what is true,

Just that it is my life’s solace in reminiscing what is ‘you’.

Keeping your flame alight in my heart,

With each memory trip, burning myself a scar.


Maybe it is not the best thing that I do,

But I am glad that in this, I am not dragging you.

Although amid every wise advice, I only hear your voice,

But I am glad, that atleast you made the right choice.

Still in love

The sun to my day and the cool to my mind.

Without you, this world is dark and a place unkind.

For you are the breeze that makes my spirits fly,

Your absence for me means suffocation under wide open sky.

The food to my soul and light to my spirit,

Why shouldn’t I call you the reason of my being.

For without you, this world is an abyss dark,

And I seek solace from every memory, every scar.

That childlike smile, that innocent face,

The seamless ways in which you enter my mind space.

Yes, I am making many attempts to rise above,

But you can’t hate me while I’m still in love.

Far you are from me today, but tell me how I should separate

Your presence from my life, when you are the blood in my veins.

And I ask myself


Recalling the glorious moments you brought to life,
When you pushed me on stage under full limelight. 
Then snapping myself back into the reality of today,
When thinking of our ruins, my fate loses its light. 
And I ask myself,
Are you my deepest fear or my whole might? 

When I am enduring some of my life’s greatest aches,
I think of you and in that second, every physical feeling fades.
And I ask myself,
Are you my pain or my biggest solace?

Crazy I think I always have been, but now I do not feel senile.
With your shadow peeking into my life every once in a while.
I ask myself,
Are you my peace or my restlessness?

With every gentle touch of yours, it was as if I was flying,
Now ingesting your anger, it is as if my body feels uncouth.
And I ask myself,
Are you my purity or a reminder of my sinfulness?

The most fulfilled that I felt of myself was when you held me close,
But that was then and ever since that,
I have not been able to cope with your loss.
So today I ask myself, 
Are you everlasting love or my constant misery?
A streak of happiness or my agonizing pain?
My completion or an eternal promise of desolation?
I guess I will always ask myself. 

An inch lighter

Before I begin to describe,

On what it is today that I want to write.

I will ask you to bear with me

Yet another time.

After all genuine attempts of keeping away,

And of giving you your well deserved space.

I once again knock at your door today,

After what seems like a lifetime away.  

To plead for a thing last.

Free me of all my memories

The ones that make me fly.

And the ones burying me six feet under. 

Free me and I shall erase

All our remains hanging in open space

All the memories I have of you and of us,

And all that binds us in a parallel universe.

What shall remain are the years,

And the life I accept that has been lived once.

I will accept with unwilling open arms,

That what lies ahead are days purposeless,

And a life devoid of its meaning.

With a shame clinging to it for the past deeds,

And a shame in feeling all of this.


But on you, the love of my life,

No burden of it shall ever be implied. 

Albeit without you, I will forever be blind.

And the day shall never again find its light.

Amor de mi vida

The evening that I laid my eyes, 
On that red shirt with mere surprise.

I couldn’t get my head around how were so graceful, 
Recalling exactly how we got lost in our simple conversation.

So much so that we forgot to look outside,
And didn’t appreciate the beauty of that blessed night.
It was a meteor shower, 
With each grain carrying a blessing. 

And so I found you so close to me, 
Holding me gently under the next moon crescent.

Have I ever told you how it felt so fulfilled, 
To be wrapped in the warmth of your arms. 
To know that there’s nothing I want further, 
But to stay lost in the world of your charm. 

At that instant and in that moment, 
I found everything I could wish for. 
And we let ourselves flow in the wind of ardor, 
Intoxicated by the stars we saw in each others’ eyes.
Lost in the magic we created, 
Afraid each moment of it not lasting forever, 
Albeit faithful that even the universe
Could not destroy something so pure.
Looking back today, I feel that we lived a lifetime, 
In each second we spent together. 
And while we may find happiness,
We shall never feel complete.