Untouchable

A scanty village and the celestial paradise,

Both separated through just a bridge tonight.

Excited, we run across the lush green field holding hands,

It is on either edge of the bridge that we now stand.

The paths looks narrow and covered in twigs,

Sharp edges and strong words cutting our feet.

We walk through still, though the journey seems tough,

Only till the time I hadn’t gone ahead enough,

So much so that you almost lost the way,

Brewed a hate in your heart that’s now sending me away.

I just wish you had come forward a little,

To find me just as wounded and lost, but now you wouldn’t listen.

So anytime these days our eyes meet from a distance,

I see your gaze but pain slashes though my skin in this instant.

And I am nothing but helpless to wonder,

That even today, I believe I am sole person culpable,

But when was it that to you,  I become untouchable?

I don’t know where I stopped being a human for you,

Like I don’t know where you became inhuman.

Ever again

I wonder how it is possible,

To live in worlds two different.

And yet really be nowhere.

How it happens, that I live intoxicated 

in your love that once existed,

Inebriated in your memories

That we both created and celebrated. 

Because where I live, 

I can’t seem to find any of it.

The reassurance of your love

And the comfort in your hug

I  cannot seem to feel again.

Your voice calling out my name

The moments hidden in each photo frame

I cannot seem to forget.

Your cries of love from the other side of the phone

My insensitivity while I was grooving alone

I just cannot seem to forgive.

BELIEF

A soft breeze brushes my cheeks today,
While I watch fire gushing the blue sky.
Painting it in its golden hues,
Picturesque with the sight of birds flying high.

I stand at the shore and breathe the emptiness in,
Blinking only as the cold water hits my feet. 
A moment of filling my heart up to the brim,
Before I feel the earth slipping underneath.

And exactly like wounds from the truth,
The pit only goes deeper with each wave.
Till the time I make my mind,
Whether standing there, it’s the emptiness I wish to feel,
Or to embrace newness and offer myself a chance to heal.

But all that time that I choose to stand at that spot,
And I feel the sand sweeping from under my feet.
I wonder if I will ever be complete.
And I wonder how you think you can live fulfilled?

They say nothing is perfect
And no one is impeccable. 
Then why do I feel,
That the two of us together were beyond perfect?

You shall smile a lot my child,
And you shall find happiness.
But what you may not find,
Without me is the air filled with bliss.

But next time when I cross your mind,
Know that deprivation of love,
In a life so long,
Is a curse you chose.
And with this, I accept our love’s defeat
Chesting an unconscious heart and a died BELIEF.

An inch lighter

Before I begin to describe,

On what it is today that I want to write.

I will ask you to bear with me

Yet another time.

After all genuine attempts of keeping away,

And of giving you your well deserved space.

I once again knock at your door today,

After what seems like a lifetime away.  

To plead for a thing last.

Free me of all my memories

The ones that make me fly.

And the ones burying me six feet under. 

Free me and I shall erase

All our remains hanging in open space

All the memories I have of you and of us,

And all that binds us in a parallel universe.

What shall remain are the years,

And the life I accept that has been lived once.

I will accept with unwilling open arms,

That what lies ahead are days purposeless,

And a life devoid of its meaning.

With a shame clinging to it for the past deeds,

And a shame in feeling all of this.


But on you, the love of my life,

No burden of it shall ever be implied. 

Albeit without you, I will forever be blind.

And the day shall never again find its light.

RISE

All along the reflections on life,
Rests in me a constant sense of regret.
Like in the midst of perennial loneliness,
I catch the sound of my own footsteps.

I unlock the door and start walking into my hall,
But just as I enter, I hear the emptiness growl.
There is no one to turn to and nowhere to hide,
Wrote my own fate, now there is no turning of the tide.

What I didn’t know back then was that I wasn’t strong, 
Went to a place far off, but it was not where I belong.
I tried to get aside so you could live your life,
But you don’t leave my mind despite all my tries.

I cannot any longer hold back the tears,
Cannot pretend anymore like you are not there.
What I can is to try to pull myself back up,
Stop collecting hopes from our scattered memory crumbs.
To come out of this abyss of lost love,
Accept defeat and yet rise above.


Slowly

 

Your mind’s conquest,

And our hearts’ eternal unrest

Go together, hand in hand. 

While the weight of my deeds,

Pushes me deep

Down under at our behest. 

 

And I lie at the rock bottom

Of this ocean called life, 

Almost as if my hands were tied,

Helpless as if buoyancy has tried.

To thrust me back up, 

But hard in my face our memories rub.

 

So I keep right there, making no effort to retreat.

Staying calm, like there’s nothing to achieve.

Slowly suffocating myself, slowly getting numb.

Building castles in air that one day you will come.

And if you don’t,

What good is life anyway.

 

Such is the power of our love

That it has both you and I,

Crying our hearts out in the middle of the night.

While our emptiness eats us from inside,

And we dream of what life could have been like.

 

Nothing

There are moments in each person’s life,

that decide the course of his happiness.

Defining moments- from where there’s no turning back. 

 

Nobody told me it was difficult such,

That in every breath, you would want to give up.

On everything you have wanted to hold,

On yourself when there’s nothing left to behold.

 

Nobody told me it feels nothing at first.

While one steps onto the ruptured earth.

And just as gravity strikes afoot,

You feel the earth slipping away under your foot.

All efforts to soothe the restlessness pass in vain,

And nothing said or done ever placates the pain.

 

Nobody told me it’s going to be a deep hole,

Sinking once in which, one loses his soul.

With no sense of direction left, nor any goal,

I wish I had lost myself once and for all.

Zero Hour

If you fear all that follows is regret,

And not being able to hold a grudge

Would you still go ahead?

Would you still take the plunge?

 

When options carved aren’t white and black,

And the choice made will be cast in stone.

There is emotion attached and maybe no coming back,

What then would you do to atone?

 

Your life here and now stands at crossroads,

Where each road bends into a different path.

You are only as wise as the roads seen afar,

Lying ahead could be calm bliss or fiery wrath.

 

Standing here today, you can choose to let me go,

Or follow my steps and keep me close.

We may walk together and never meet on this path,

Either way we will embody two forever anxious hearts.

 

The path chosen now shall define your fate,

While a chance afresh will stay a distant dream.

The road right chosen showers the gift of balance,

A serenity in soul shining into a happiness gleam.

 


Co-written by Kshitij Kapur

Till Eternity?

 

My thoughts would cross your head a million times,

Even when I always was in the back of your mind.

An hour without each other wouldn’t seem to pass,

And we have come to witness this terrible day, alas.

 

Only now when it has been months,

That I sometimes am brave enough to make your mention.

Tell them how I see fireworks when I think of us,

And how our promises of eternity were cold cut.

 

And I sincerely admit, to you and to all,

That it’s MY mistakes leading to OUR fall.

But I do not know what to do and how,

As the clock of time has ticked now.

 

Though I have heard them say that time heals all,

Then why can’t I stop feeling this burning hole?

That deep void inside my chest,

Like I am made of nothing but scrap.

 

And each night as I lay wide awake,

There’s not much I feel but heartache.

That’s when my mind decides to revisit the happy chapters,

And this heart struggles to find its ‘eternity’ answers.

 

But deep inside I think I realize,

There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to keep our love alive.

And I lose myself one small bit,

Each time I choose to love you still.


 

Moving in Circles

Perplexed I keep, fascinated I stand,

Seeing how the universe works in circles.

As the one who breaks the heart,

Stays forever heartbroken.

 

And I breathe melancholy,

this minute and every other.

For I long the love,

Your eyes spoke of.

How it would slash through my skin,

Reach unbent to my soul.

Lifting its spirits,

like nothing else it had known.

 

But everything feels unreal now,

And it seems as if only you were real.

Or maybe it was all a dream.

But where you were with me,

Was a world so different

from where I hold today.

With every part of me screaming,

That this is not where we belong.

 

So I beg and beseech in my prayers

To be free, from you and from me.

For I can’t be living in these worlds two different.

And once I have known the one with you,

I can’t be at peace in the one without.

For every other thing in the universe,

My heart deems worthless.