Till Eternity?

 

My thoughts would cross your head a million times,

Even when I always was in the back of your mind.

An hour without each other wouldn’t seem to pass,

And we have come to witness this terrible day, alas.

 

Only now when it has been months,

That I sometimes am brave enough to make your mention.

Tell them how I see fireworks when I think of us,

And how our promises of eternity were cold cut.

 

And I sincerely admit, to you and to all,

That it’s MY mistakes leading to OUR fall.

But I do not know what to do and how,

As the clock of time has ticked now.

 

Though I have heard them say that time heals all,

Then why can’t I stop feeling this burning hole?

That deep void inside my chest,

Like I am made of nothing but scrap.

 

And each night as I lay wide awake,

There’s not much I feel but heartache.

That’s when my mind decides to revisit the happy chapters,

And this heart struggles to find its ‘eternity’ answers.

 

But deep inside I think I realize,

There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to keep our love alive.

And I lose myself one small bit,

Each time I choose to love you still.


 

Tall and Trapped

We are free ever since we are born,

Living lives on our own accord,

Always being free to speak,

Always exercising free to choose.

But I sit back and wonder today,

What is freedom really?

Not being possessed by someone,

Or feeling free at heart?

 

Cause I remember flying, up high in the sky

With you holding my hand, staying right by my side

That I have felt so free within my heart,

Like there’s no happiness better on the ecstasy chart.

 

Today I breathe some two continents apart,

And free I should be, by all means thus far.

Yet I am as chained as one could be,

Trapped in the guilt of my own careless deeds.

 

Now I know we are all physically free,

But how does one gain freedom over the mighty will?

Over capricious thoughts and the scarlet sins,

His sense of loss and those clipped wings?

He will never fly again and yet here we are,

Basking in the glory of our freedom.

 

The ultimate do all

A bird’s chirpiness, a fruit’s color,

His adjoining mine, I carried a relentless vigor.

Life turned beautiful, it was all so surreal,

Like all wishes from shooting stars turned true for real.

 

Wary as I was, I couldn’t trust good fortune,

So it squeezed the happiness out, now giving no option.

But maybe what flows through me is not love, not quite.

Otherwise I wouldn’t have run away from everything right.

 

And if love is the ultimate do all,

Then why didn’t I do much?

To keep you in my life, with blissfulness such.

 

Though one thing I have learnt from all this is,

Forgiveness in today’s world does not come cheap.

And if I can’t grant it to myself,

How can I expect YOU to put your anger off the shelf?

 

So go my beloved child,

Create for yourself a life shining bright.

For the biggest solace in my remaining life,

Shall be to see you achieving glorious heights.

 

Inside an Addict

 

Walking with a seemingly attentive self,

Each second I fight your urge.

With a tearing glare staring into the distance,

Rise up all done away thoughts, my powers submerge.

 

Now I have my emotions dancing all over the place,

And yet I am clueless on what I could do.

So I rest my guilt colossal up upon my shoulders,

Cause God knows I could never blame you.

 

It hurts me now though, my senses ripped apart and torn

Cause I don’t know what exactly it is that I mourn.

Was it the loss of our love or was it losing you?

But in any which way,

I find myself buried under the earth too.

 

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The Weight of Burdens

 

A glass of coke, some cheese sandwich.

The midnight strikes and it’s what you bring for your demanding witch.

Remember how we always fought,

Each of us saying he loves the other more.

I guess the answer is clearer now.

As I broke our sacred vow.

Maybe you did love me more after all,

And there are things that I cannot blame you for.

 

But tell me if you will please,

Enduring our struggles alone in that cold breeze

In a state desolate and bereft,

Did you not turn to others once I left?

Whether it was to help your lonesome being,

Or to get over what none of us was foreseeing.

You tell me it would all have been fine,

If I just waited and had kept my mind.

But I ask you, and I mention again with no blames to be put,

Why could YOU not wait with a strong foot?

 

 

Alone I know you grew,

But I feel alone amid a hundred people too.

And it is not my loneliness that kills me,

It’s the pain of not having you with me.

 

These days when I reminisce the past,

I remember mom always said I was careless.

I wish I had heard her then

Heard her and we wouldn’t be standing at crossroads today

 

But no matter our paths,

You have earmarked a larger part of my heart.

Rise and shine, oh sweet child of mine

It will just be a matter of time

That you will see,

My miseries have finally set you free.

 

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The Favorite Chapter

 

Soaking in the golden summer hue,

I welcome this life completely new.

Strange and so difficult,

It isn’t what I would ordinarily call typical.

 

Always watching you from a distance,

I wondered why we had this coexistence.

Now I know it was what I had always wanted,

Holding your hand, it’s you I everyday flaunted.

 

Amid our remarkable closeness though,

There are a million things I think I learnt.

Loving you with all my might,

Showered the purest liberation my life had earned.

 

Everyday closing in in your arms,

I’d tell you stories of my bus ride harms.

And how life was when I was a child.

I can still picture your face with that sincere smile.

You were my diary, my confidant.

Someone I had grown to see as my life essential.

 

Your memories embedded that deep,

Hurt me now, inviting a wistful weep.

I look everywhere and still can’t find a face to turn to,

With my diary torn, my soul just seems to have withdrew.

 

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All I can

 

I stand right here,

With my presence nowhere close.

Detached from everyone,

Inside a flurry of emotions enclose.

 

Sleeping though,

I wake amid the shadows of the past,

Engrossed in everything I can find,

I live with a heart perpetually racing fast.

 

So these sleepless nights and the achings of the heart,

Lead me today to seek a new start.

Where I turn all my wrong deeds around,

Hoping that ‘we’ can still be found.

 

Alas, all I can is try.

To make our tears of loss go dry.

Make you forget your loud wails,

And change path of those painful trails.

Heal you from all the pain I instilled,

And resurrect the trust that was once killed.

 

This pain and this anxiety,

I have been trying to escape.

All of it brings me to think again,

Is it the best of this chance I could make?

And if it is,

My helplessness shouts.

I would rather disappear than have my mind brew these doubts.

 

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Ebbing Away

 

There’s a sound I know,

I hear it everywhere I go.

Silent as a felony,

Feels like it likes the feeling of being lonely.

 

Calmly resting on a precipice’s edge,

Confused and scared, I shrug as I hear it,

Stand back up, try to search for my own kind.

Only to realize they’re no longer mine,

And I sit back to find, that neither am I.

 

Remember that time,

When anyone who came looking me,

Would find me lost in you?

And I’d go to the common room all the time,

Asking everyone where were you!

 

Few years hence we stand,

So lost and confused.

I know you’ve been here too,

But right now, I am looking for you,

Hoping to find myself somewhere in there too.

 

And if it weren’t for the magic that we were,

I wouldn’t be holding you so close-

That your loss feels like a hole in the heart,

Ripping it hard and so right apart.

 

Dismal and wistful is the air I breathe,

And closure is the only solace that I seek.

Now I am trapped everywhere I don’t want to be.

And there’s nowhere really that I think I’ll ever live.

 

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The Promising Truth

 

Floating amidst lies all their lives,

They trim their conscience away.

Piece by piece with a sharp knife,

Each time they play an actor in life’s play.

And shove the story down everyone’s throat.

 

But these sentiments from a neutral eye,

We think they matter why?

Cause after every single deceit,

They continue as if that is the way to be.

 

I wonder if they get suffocated,

In a self that for long hasn’t seen a true mirror.

Cause a lie told is everything I have always hated,

Like a layer added on my skin, a trait unfamiliar.

 

Though Truth in today’s world I feel, is overrated.

Being everything we all say we want to see.

Even when lie remains a saviour and honesty outdated.

 

But truth is a promise we made,

To each other when we removed all layers we had to ourselves.

For we knew, all the mistakes would one day fade.

 

Then why is it today,

That we cannot accept the truth anymore?

That better are the lies spoken and the things kept grey.

Are we the same people that said ‘Truth’ is the condition?

If it was, then where are we?

If we are not, then was truth a lie too?

 

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The Lost Sparrow

 

A million pictures in my head,

And thoughts a thousand- scattered and stray.

Posing questions in hundred odd directions.

Leaving my mind numb and all abilities at bay.

What could have been? What have you done?

How to make amends? Now where will you run?

I sit amidst my ties of blood,

While my mind wanders another world.

Homesick I feel no matter where I roam,

And I don’t know anymore where to find home.

 

I see my creator wail before me,

Then my heart too weeps for a while

Before I give in again to my wandering mind,

And it goes frisking for your one sign

Remember you swore to follow me into the dark,

In times when nothing could beat our spark

I ask why did you leave your oath behind?

Why now do you have to listen to your mind?

 

Tell me that none of it was ever true,

You see I lost myself the moment I lost you

Wasted I kept, discarding the ultimate truth,

Today I see myself as someone unholy, uncouth

Living with a self such,

Shall be my punishment.


Homesick I will feel no matter where I roam,

And I won’t know anymore where to find home.

 

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