And I ask myself


Recalling the glorious moments you brought to life,
When you pushed me on stage under full limelight. 
Then snapping myself back into the reality of today,
When thinking of our ruins, my fate loses its light. 
And I ask myself,
Are you my deepest fear or my whole might? 

When I am enduring some of my life’s greatest aches,
I think of you and in that second, every physical feeling fades.
And I ask myself,
Are you my pain or my biggest solace?

Crazy I think I always have been, but now I do not feel senile.
With your shadow peeking into my life every once in a while.
I ask myself,
Are you my peace or my restlessness?

With every gentle touch of yours, it was as if I was flying,
Now ingesting your anger, it is as if my body feels uncouth.
And I ask myself,
Are you my purity or a reminder of my sinfulness?

The most fulfilled that I felt of myself was when you held me close,
But that was then and ever since that,
I have not been able to cope with your loss.
So today I ask myself, 
Are you everlasting love or my constant misery?
A streak of happiness or my agonizing pain?
My completion or an eternal promise of desolation?
I guess I will always ask myself. 

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Amor de mi vida

The evening that I laid my eyes, 
On that red shirt with mere surprise.

I couldn’t get my head around how were so graceful, 
Recalling exactly how we got lost in our simple conversation.

So much so that we forgot to look outside,
And didn’t appreciate the beauty of that blessed night.
It was a meteor shower, 
With each grain carrying a blessing. 

And so I found you so close to me, 
Holding me gently under the next moon crescent.

Have I ever told you how it felt so fulfilled, 
To be wrapped in the warmth of your arms. 
To know that there’s nothing I want further, 
But to stay lost in the world of your charm. 

At that instant and in that moment, 
I found everything I could wish for. 
And we let ourselves flow in the wind of ardor, 
Intoxicated by the stars we saw in each others’ eyes.
Lost in the magic we created, 
Afraid each moment of it not lasting forever, 
Albeit faithful that even the universe
Could not destroy something so pure.
Looking back today, I feel that we lived a lifetime, 
In each second we spent together. 
And while we may find happiness,
We shall never feel complete. 

Slowly

 

Your mind’s conquest,

And our hearts’ eternal unrest

Go together, hand in hand. 

While the weight of my deeds,

Pushes me deep

Down under at our behest. 

 

And I lie at the rock bottom

Of this ocean called life, 

Almost as if my hands were tied,

Helpless as if buoyancy has tried.

To thrust me back up, 

But hard in my face our memories rub.

 

So I keep right there, making no effort to retreat.

Staying calm, like there’s nothing to achieve.

Slowly suffocating myself, slowly getting numb.

Building castles in air that one day you will come.

And if you don’t,

What good is life anyway.

 

Such is the power of our love

That it has both you and I,

Crying our hearts out in the middle of the night.

While our emptiness eats us from inside,

And we dream of what life could have been like.

 

Nothingness

There’s sound of chaos and melody of activity,
And yet what I hear is the echo of my heartbeat.

I look up to see the world, 
But everything is moving so fast. 
I stay still, trying to breathe in, 
But in a jiffy, life marched past.
While I stood right there,
Moving to the rhythm of our dance.

So I snap back in what seems real
this very moment,
And there is nothing that I feel.
I look for you everywhere but
It is as if life itself is concealed.

And just as I happen to grasp,
The meaning of nothingness and its clasp
in my life, I am out like a light,
Standing still yet all stupefied.
That I look at myself, 
And I witness inertness in its full vitality. 

Heartless lies

Tied in the entrenchments of a restless mind,

There’s blaring darkness hugging blinding light.

The world has become a pursuit of devotion,

Yet in this sham of a life,

All that resides are heartless lies.

 

I think of what we had, 

And it all seems so ethereal,

Always placed love above all,

Yet why is it today so trivial?

 

That you are fine with me giving up on my life, 

Striding forward on the way but killing your love inside? 

I thought I had given in all that it takes, 

But stupid I was to forget,

Love doesn’t provision for mistakes.